


A Moment to Feel

by SaraJaye



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Crying, Developing Relationship, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Parent(s), Post-Episode: s01e09 Crystal Venom, Pre-Relationship, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2019-07-12 00:35:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15983828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaraJaye/pseuds/SaraJaye
Summary: She can't afford to sit and grieve no matter how much it hurts to say goodbye to her father all over again. They have a mission, and every moment they take to grieve or wallow in emotions is one more moment the Galra has to hurt someone else.





	A Moment to Feel

Sometimes she wonders if she would have been better off never awakening from her thousand-decaphobe sleep.

She'd known there was no bringing back Altea, but as long as she had her father's AI, she'd felt safe. As long as he was there, she had a connection to her old life, to a thriving Altea. To her father himself. The AI made it feel as though part of the old Altea still lived.

Tonight, she'd been forced to cut that connection for the sake of their lives. Waking from the dream to realize they were about to crash, her father's true voice begging her to end his extended life. _You must, you and the Paladins are the future of this universe, Allura, you must let me go._ And she had with barely a second thought, because she'd put the team in enough danger already.

They had to move forward, there was no time for her to sit and weep even as the others expressed their condolences to her. Sorrow didn't change anything, and she couldn't afford to grieve when the universe needed Voltron. It was on her shoulders to aid the new Paladins, to stop the Galra from hurting other planets and people.

But right now, she wishes she'd never woken up. That someone else, anyone else, had discovered the new Paladins. She wishes she could sleep forever and escape her sorrows in dreams of better times.

Too bad sleep won't come. She'd promised Coran and the others she'd get some rest before ushering them off to bed, and she'd intended to keep that promise. But her heart's so heavy, her eyes sting with tears that refuse to fall, and all she can think about is watching her father's AI battle the crystal's influence.

Careful not to disturb the sleeping mice, she slips out of bed and into the hallway, leaning against the wall. She wishes she could cry.

"Allura?" She pulls herself upright and wipes furiously at her eyes.

"Lance, I told you to get some rest," she scolds weakly. She's not in the mood for any of his silly jokes or flirtations right now. But when she dares to look at him his expression is unusually somber. "I promise, the castle is safe now, your bed won't try to eat you."

"I know." His voice is quieter than usual, too. "I just wanted to see if you were all right after all that." She's never heard such straightforward honesty from him before, and she can feel his concern for her. It touches her heart and makes her feel guilty all at once.

"I'll be fine, Lance. Really, I'm...used to the idea of loss, and there was no other way to save our lives."

"I know, but-"

"A-and sitting here crying won't change anything, will it?" Her voice catches and she's certain he heard it, but he still keeps his distance, to her surprise. She'd expected to be swept into an overblown embrace by now, she's not used to seeing him this _tentative._

"It won't, no. Look, you obviously did the right thing, your dad wouldn't have wanted us all to die," he says. "And we've got to move forward. We're the universe's only hope, right? That's what being Team Voltron's all about."

"Exactly. If we stop to mourn every single loss or give in to every emotion, that's one more moment the Galra have to endanger other planets." She swallows, rubbing her eyes. The tears that refused to fall earlier seem ready to escape now, and she struggles to hold them back. "We're on an important mission, and that mission comes first."

"Right." He walks over to her, holding out a hand. "But that doesn't mean you can't have _any_ feelings. Crying won't change anything, but holding back's just gonna make it hurt worse."

"I can't _afford_ to-"

"Right now you can."

"Lance..."

"We don't have any battles to fight. We're-okay, maybe not _totally_ safe since the Galra's out there, but the crystal's gone, the castle's not trying to kill us anymore. So...if you need to be sad for a while, it's okay." She wants to protest that she doesn't _need_ to be sad, but seeing how quiet and humble he's being, hearing his honest words instead of his usual stupid lines...

Seeing that underneath his ego and bluster, he truly cares about her, makes her want to open up to him.

"What if...once I allow myself to cry, I can't stop?"

"I'll be here with you until you can. And even after, if you want."

He opens his arms, and she leans into them. As he embraces her, she buries her face in his shoulder and lets herself feel. He's quiet as she cries, occasionally stroking her back; at some point they end up sitting slumped against the wall somehow.

When her grief is finally spent, he walks her back to her room, holding her hand.

"Better?"

"Somewhat." She offers a weak smile. "At least, I think I should be able to sleep now."

"I won't tell the others about this, don't worry. As far as they know, you're totally fine and there wasn't even a moment where you weren't." He pats her shoulder. "Well, I'll be going now...I mean, you know you can come get us if you need us."

"Of course." She sits down on her bed, stifling a yawn. "Thank you, Lance."

The smile he gives her is one of the most heartfelt she's ever seen.

"Anytime."

He leaves, and she curls up under her covers, closing her eyes. Tomorrow he'll be back to his old, silly self. Flirting, telling bad jokes, arguing with Keith, talking about whatever other pretty ladies he wants to meet on the next planet.

But tonight, she saw something different in Lance. The reason the blue lion chose him, why no matter what his surface behavior, he truly was meant to be a Paladin.

She'd like to get to know that side of him more.

Her sleep that night is peaceful, filled with only the happiest memories of her father and Altea. As long as she has her memories, neither will ever be truly gone.


End file.
